


When It Comes To Love, It's the Little Things

by Snafu07



Series: Embarrassment Thy Name is Kingsman [2]
Category: Kingsman (Movies)
Genre: Blowjobs, Drunken Confessions, Drunken Flirting, Drunken Kissing, Drunken Shenanigans, Drunkenness, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, M/M, Micropenis, Secrets, Snogging
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-11
Updated: 2020-02-11
Packaged: 2021-02-18 23:41:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,871
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22668421
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Snafu07/pseuds/Snafu07
Summary: Everyone wants Eggsy, but he never says yes to anyone. Merlin has come the closest and now he's determined to discover Eggsy's secret.
Relationships: Merlin/Gary "Eggsy" Unwin
Series: Embarrassment Thy Name is Kingsman [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1601707
Comments: 15
Kudos: 113





	When It Comes To Love, It's the Little Things

Eggsy Unwin was a breath of fresh air at Kingsman. He was warm and friendly. Caring and giving. Always willing to give a helping hand or offer a shoulder to cry on.

Pretty much the opposite of the stoic, stodgy agents that Kingsman was used to. And it had an odd effect on said stoic, stodgy agents. And the other staff members of Kingsman.

Because here was this handsome, enigmatic powerhouse; who can fire any gun and disarm any foe. Slip into any den of evil and get out unscathed. Always making sure to secure the hidden gem needed to overthrow a ruthless empire. All wrapped up in an attractive package. 

An extremely attractive package.

His bright open face had just enough hard angles to keep him from being pretty. And yes, he was one of the shortest agents, but almost no one could beat him in musculature. He had the broad shoulders, small waist, and heavy, thick thighs of a comic book superhero. If Eggsy walked by Michaelangelo’s David, the statue would ask him for work out tips.

It drew them all in. 

Every last member of Kingsman felt themselves drawn to Eggsy. They wanted to be in his bubble. They wanted to talk to him. To make him laugh. To get to know him better.

They wanted to ask him out.

And they did. In droves. It became a bit of a joke around the place. Because he never said yes. He was never rude. He was always flattered. But he never said yes. It didn’t matter who the person asking was, man or women. Young or old. Agent, mechanic, analyst, or cook. 

Eggsy always said no.

They all tried to find out if maybe he was seeing someone. Perhaps he had a significant other that he just never talked about or had any evidence of in his office. Or in his wallet. (Eggsy wasn’t the only agent that was good at sleight of hand, thank you very much!) There was even some talk for a while that he might be asexual. Or aromatic. Or anything else that might keep him from saying yes to a date.

But they continued to ask. They continued to ask all during his first year as an agent. Some were even intrigued enough to ask more than once.

Halfway through his second year Eggsy had enough. He stood up during an all department meeting and politely, but sternly informed everyone there that he was highly flattered by everyone asking him out, but he wasn’t interested in seeing anyone at the moment. No he wasn’t seeing anyone. No he wasn’t asexual. No they shouldn’t just wait 6 months and try again. He didn’t date. Ever. So please stop trying.

The whole of Kingsman had been so shocked at his announcement that Eggsy ended up hiding in Merlin’s office for the next few weeks. Eggsy and Merlin had been close since the battle with Valentine and the Quartermaster was often the only one besides Roxy that Eggsy felt safe around during this romance crazed period in Kingsman history. So armed with his tablet, laptop, cellphone, and Kingsman glasses, Eggsy made the couch in Merlin’s office his temporary workplace while he hid.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Eggsy stretched as he stood from Merlin’s couch, his untucked dress shirt riding high, offering the other occupant of the room a view of a slip of skin before he tucked it back into his slacks.

Eggsy snapped in front of Merlin’s glazed expression, looking at him unexpectedly. 

Merlin shook his head. “I’m sorry Galahad. What had you said? I spaced for a moment.”

Eggsy smiled at his friend. “I noticed. You're working too hard again. I said we should leave here and go get something to eat. And no, I didn’t mean the cafeteria. It’s 8 pm on a Friday. We’re both free this weekend, there’s absolutely no reason we should be spending it in the headquarters. Let’s hit a pub or a casual restaurant or something!”

Merlin stared up at the young agent from his desk chair. He really had no reason why he should say no to Eggsy. They were friends. Good friends. Very good friends. There was no reason for them not to go out somewhere and have a companionable meal. No reason. No reason at all.

Except maybe for the fact that like the dozens of other idiots here Merlin was in love with Eggsy Unwin. 

NO! Strike that! The other idiots were in lust. Maybe he’d even say infatuated. Merlin was the only one in love with him. The others didn’t know him well enough to be in love with him. The others didn’t know him the way Merlin did.

Sure they all thought Eggsy was a breath of fresh air. But Merlin knew he was. He was the first agent since Harry to treat him like a high ranking member of Kingsman instead of a servant. They thought he was warm and friendly. Merlin knew he went out of his way to consider the feelings of everyone involved in any situation. How many times had the lad asked Merlin his opinions on the best way to let down a would be suitor in the kindest way? They thought he was caring and giving. Merlin, and okay Roxy, were the only ones who knew that he spent the majority of his salary taking care of his mother and baby sister. See, Merlin knew.

Merlin knew him.

Merlin even knew his attractiveness in more than the visual abstract. Merlin had felt that muscled, perfect body against his. After Eggsy had defeated Gisele and killed Valentine he had grabbed a bottle of champagne and two glasses and met Merlin on the plane. 

There he had managed to snog Merlin in such a filthy, lust filled way that all the blood in his body had immediately traveled south, giving the Quartermaster an erection that he swore had left a lasting impression on his suit slacks.

Eggsy’s groping hand had found that erection and before Merlin had even been able to retaliate; the young man had unzipped said slacks, pulled him from his pants, and sank to his knees to take him in his mouth.

Eggsy had spared only a moment to look up at him with big blue-green eyes, peering out from under golden brown lashes, asking for permission, that Merlin had quickly given with a nod of his head, before he bobbed down and gave Merlin the blow job of his life.

But everything had changed when Merlin had started to recover from his orgasm and had reached for Eggsy to reciprocate. Merlin had seen the wet circle on the front of Eggsy’s slacks and had assumed it was from his own erection leaking pre-ejaculate. But Eggsy had pulled away, telling him not to. He had apologized profusely for attacking the other man in such an inappropriate way. And nothing Merlin said in return seemed to make it better for Eggsy. He swore up and down that he had been one hundred percent all right with it. Hadn’t it been obvious how Merlin had responded to the attention? But no, Eggsy had sworn he felt like some kind of predator. Nothing Merlin said that night helped. Eggsy blamed it on the adrenaline high from saving the world. And finally Merlin just agreed. They promised at the end of that night to forget it ever happened and went on with their friendship.

Merlin never could figure it out. He wavered between Eggsy truly being ashamed for attacking him sexually, no matter that Merlin had been very into it. Or maybe Eggsy had ejaculated during the kissing or blowjob and was embarrassed about his hair trigger. Or worst of all, the adrenaline had started to ebb and he saw who he was making out with and became disgusted.

However, Merlin really didn’t think that was it. For one Eggsys didn’t avoid him afterwards. He was always quick to say how attractive Merlin was and how fit he was for his age. Not that he thought Merlin was old. Eggsy put his foot in his mouth a lot, whenever he was talking about the Merlin’s looks. Merlin found it very charming.

They remained friends. They did stuff together. Worked well together. Merlin saw him through the crap that was everyone asking him out. Eggsy made sure he ate and drank more than coffee or tea. They were good.

There were even times Merlin thought that maybe the reason Eggsy never said yes to anyone else was because he was hung up on Merlin. But that maybe was just wishful thinking. Because Merlin was hung up on Eggsy. And it was not just because he gave the best blow job Merlin had ever had.

Eggsy just never talked about that night again.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Merlin and Eggsy walked drunkenly to Eggsy’s flat. They had spent a prolonged amount of time at the cosy little pub in Eggsy’s neighborhood binging on steak pies, chips, and mug after mug of draught beer. So many mugs that the two men were leaning into each other alternately laughing loudly and singing the obnoxious pop songs that had been playing on the pub’s jukebox.

They stumbled into Eggsy’s flat and into his little kitchen looking for more beer. They took the bottles into the lounge and collapsed on the couch.

“Ye were right.” Merlin said to Eggsy. “We did need that.”

“We did!” Eggsy agreed, twisting the top of his bottle of beer and taking a deep pull of the long neck. He plunked the bottle down on the coffee table and turned in his seat. He placed his feet over the couch’s arm and put his head in Merlin’s lap.

Merlin froze. For one, as close as the two of them were, they didn’t indulge in this level of friendly physical affection. And for another, the closeness of Eggsy’s head to his groin brought about all amounts of memories that peaked the interest of his dick. He eased soon enough and ran his fingers through Eggsy’s coppery brown waves, smoothing the locks off of his brow.

Eggsy smiled up at Merlin, his grin crooked and devilish. “I love you my friend.” He reached up and touched Merlin’s lips, tracing their curves and bow.

Merlin gave those fingers the gentlest of kisses. He knew he shouldn't, but the temptation to take what he hadn’t had since V-day, even the smallest taste of it, was too strong to resist.

Eggsy smiled deeper at that. His middle finger pulled gently at Merlin’s bottom lip, separating it from his top.

Merlin threw caution to the wind and touched the tip of his tongue to Eggsy’s finger.

Eggsy moaned, eyes rolling back and hips snapping up.

Merlin sucked the finger further into his mouth and rolled his tongue around it, in a mock fellatio.  
Eggsy gently pulled his fingers from Merlin and sat up, taking his head from his lap. The playful mood dipped a tad. Eggsy shook his head like he was trying to clear away an unwanted thought. “Do you ever think of that night?”

Merlin’s head jerked towards his friend. “What night?”

“Don’t play stupid.” Eggsy said, giving him the side eye. “V-day. The night we never talk about.”

Merlin shrugged. He didn’t know if admitting it was never far from his mind would scare Eggsy away or not.

“I do.” Eggsy admitted. “At night. When I’m weak. And lonely. I think of kissing you and touching you and how much I enjoyed it. How much I wanted to do it. How much I want to do it again.”

‘So why don’t you?!?’ Merlin screamed in his head. He saved his words though, standing up straight and going in front of Eggsy. He placed a knee on either side of Eggsy’s legs so he was straddling his lap. He lowered himself on to it, the backs of his thighs meeting the tops of Eggsy’s.

Eggsy put his hands around the back of Merlin, gripping his ass and holding him steady.

Merlin dipped his head and kissed Eggsy, pressing their lips together and parting them, his tongue searching, probing, tasting salt and beer and everything that was purely Eggsy.

Eggsy kissed him back, lifting his face to Merlin and kneading his ass in time to the kisses.

“I think of that night all the time.” Merlin pulled back to concede. “Everytime I take myself in hand it’s your face in my mind, your kisses I feel, your lips I dream of.”

Eggsy stared into Merlin’s eyes as he spoke and grabbed his face when he was done. He kissed him again, hard. Roughly, passionately taking what he could from a kiss.

“Why?” Merlin asked. “If you think about me like I think about you, why haven’t we been doing this?”

Eggsy pushed him back, so his legs spread further, and he sat on Eggsy’s knees. He held him securely, not letting him fall. “Because I don’t do this Merlin. I don’t.”

Merlin felt his brow furrow at Eggsy’s statement. “Do ye mean with people from work? Or with friends?”

“No.” Eggsy bit out. “At all.”

“Ever?” Merlin asked.

“Ever.” 

“Are ye a virgin?” Merlin couldn’t even imagine such a thing being possible. The lad was in his mid twenties.

Eggsy gave a tight nod, flushing a lovely pink color.

“But why?” Merlin knew he shouldn’t be asking, but he just had to understand. He knew it wasn’t religion, they had covered such things during training. 

Eggsy closed his eyes tightly, turning his head in an attempt to avoid Merlin’s gaze.

Merlin brought his hand up and turned Eggsy’s face back to him. “Ye have to know that nothing ye say to me is going to make me think less of ye, I think the world of ye Eggsy. I love ye lad. As ye love me.”

Eggsy eyes filled with tears and one trailed down his cheek. Merlin immediately reached up to wipe it away. Eggsy leaned into the touch. “You shouldn’t love me.” He whispered.

“Why would ye ever say that Eggsy?” Merlin was aghast.

“Because I’m lacking.” Eggsy confessed on a near sob.

Merlin wiped away two more tears. “Nothing about ye could ever be lacking. Yer brave and strong. Kind and giving. Yer an exemplary agent and someone I’m proud to call a friend. Someone who I’d be honored to call more.”

“Not that kind of lacking.” Eggsy whispered.

Merlin paused then. Was Eggsy embarrassed by his size? So embarrassed that he would avoid dating, avoid sexual contact all together? Why in the world would Eggsy think that would bother Merlin? Sure a certain size was needed to reach inside a man to hit that certain spot just so, but Merlin wasn’t one to bottom often, so really, it shouldn’t be an issue. 

Merlin stood up then, righting himself and stretching out his long legs. He pushed Eggsy down so he laid long ways on the couch. He reached for the button on his jeans and undid it.

Eggsy froze like he wanted to stop Merlin but he didn’t. He put his hands over his eyes so he couldn’t see Merlin’s reaction, but he lifted his hips and let Merlin ease his slacks and pants down over his ample butt and past his thick thighs.

It was then Merlin got a view of what had kept Eggsy a virgin all his life. No longer than an inch and a half and no wider in diameter than a two pound coin; Eggsy had the smallest cock that Merlin had ever seen. And from the state of it, dark red and wet, standing straight out from his body, that this was it in it’s erect state. His bollocks were closer to an average size, but still far from normal for a man of Eggsy’s breadth and stature. Merlin could probably roll these balls and jerk him off all with the fingers on one hand. A dick that small could be brought to orgasm with just his thumb and pointer finger.

Eggsy was shaking, obviously terrified of what Merlin’s reaction would be. He’d probably gone his whole adult life dreading this moment.

Merlin knew what he had to do. He bent forward and placed a kiss on Eggsy’s button cock.

Eggsy’s hips jerked forward at the attention, hands dropping from his eyes to look at Merlin in shock.

Merlin grinned cheekily at Eggsy. “I’ve dealt with TMJ pain for years from clenching my jaw when my agents decided they didn’t have to listen to me. It’s made giving blow jobs, especially to girthy men, a painful, trying ordeal. I’ve actually avoided the act, one I used to quite enjoy, because of it.”

Merlin traced a finger over Eggsy’s tiny manhood, watching as it jumped and spat. “But this? This my lad? This I can have in my mouth as often as I wish.”

Merlin dropped his head again and sucked Eggsy’s puny prick into his mouth, sucking hard on the little nub against his tongue. 

Eggsy’s hips shot up again as he came down Merlin’s throat, experiencing the first orgasm that he did not give himself.

And that was a very good thing.

**Author's Note:**

> Unbeta'd.
> 
> Come talk to me on Tumblr! snafu-07


End file.
